Don't be scared...go ahead and blink.

I love seeing all of the end of school year pictures and memories. So much change occurs in one short year. I was never that smart, creative mom who thought to take a first day of school pic and a last day of school pic...much less in the same spot, wearing the same clothes so you could literally see the change that took place. Genius!!

Seeing and hearing all of these memories made me think of two words that use to haunt me when my kiddos were little..."Don't blink!". If I heard that comment once while my four joys were little ones, I heard it a million times. Usually it would come from the lips of women who were older than I was, and whose children were already grown.

Of course, they were referring to the fact that children grow up so fast and the momentary struggles that seem so overwhelming to young moms really aren't THAT big of a deal in the grand scheme of things. I remember so very vividly the feelings that comment would stir within me...anxiety AND frustration. Anxiety because what if I had already missed some monumental moment that I should have captured forever?? Frustrated because I was exhausted and WANTED to blink. Exhausted, I tell you.

The statement I hated hearing the most though, was usually what came just before those two demanding words..."Awww, these are the best years of your life."

WHAT?!?!

THESE. These are the BEST years of my life? That's the most encouraging statement you can muster up while my three year old is screaming "I punch you face" with snot running down his face because my four year old has taken his juice cup and pulled his hair, because my eight year old had pinched the four year old telling her the three year old actually did it, all the while my twelve year old was trying to keep them ALL calm, making the eight year old try even harder to stir up the chaos to further infuriate the twelve year old....OH. MY. GOSH. "The BEST years"??? "If I blink I'll miss it"???

Excuse me while I...BLINK!!!!

I mean, I get it. Precious and few are the years of bedtime snuggles after a warm bath, or the excitement your toddler exhibits as you are just walking back in the door after a short trip to the post office, or pictures of scribble people that they lovingly refer to as "this is you mommy, and you're so beautiful!". Gah. Tears just typing this.

Alas, in the moment...in the chaos...you find little comfort in those words, "don't blink". You find more fear and trepidation over the "what if's" and the "if only's" than you do the realization of how short those years really are.

I've learned so much over the last few years, and each day continue to learn something new...standing face to face with my nearsighted neglectful choices of the past, and even still some today. While looking back over years of missed opportunities, sometimes placing others above my own children, and being focused on the wrong things, I've apologized to my kiddos at least 50 times each, and I'm most certain that I will at least a hundred times over again.

The beauty of it all? They forgive me. They still love me.

The hard truth: the years indeed are short, but those days...boy are they long. I've often wondered what my inner attitude would have been had some older mom come alongside me and instead of saying, "these are the best years of your life. Don't blink.", just been raw and honest with me. "Listen, my girl...I know these days are long, and you're tired. I know the struggles are hard, and you feel so very inadequate. But don't be scared...go ahead and blink, and find the joy."

So, that's my exhortation to moms. Well, I suppose to dads too, but I think it's a little more intense for moms most of the time.

The days are long. When you're at work and you feel guilty because you've had to leave your baby at daycare, you're still a great mommy. When you're exhausted because you worked all day and you really don't feel like reading "Love You Forever" a hundred times before bed because it makes you cry and feel even more horrible about yourself and you're already an emotional wash bucket...you're still a great mommy. When you're a stay at home mom and you lose your temper and yell at your four year old for crayon scribbles all over the wall...AGAIN...you're still a great mommy. When you forget to drop off a lunch at school and your kid has to eat a plain cheese sandwich from the cafeteria...you're still a great mom. When your teenager screams "I hate you" because you won't let her wear shorts with holes the size of her entire rear end...or, when you LET your teenager wear those shorts because you're weary of the fight and just need her to learn the hard way, even though other moms will be whispering, "I can't believe she's letting her wear that!!!"...you're still a great mom!

Can we just cast off the fear? Can we give ourselves a tad bit of permission to be tired? It doesn't mean we love our children ANY less...not at all. It doesn't mean we regret having children...not at all. It simply means we're tired. And it's ok.

Honestly, I'd like to tell all of those people who informed me that those were the "best" days of my life...you were wrong! They were indeed amazing days...even the hard ones. They do indeed hold precious memories for me...so many precious ones. But here's the reality...every single year of being their mom, every single season, each one in it's own different and sometimes extremely difficult way, have been "the best years of my life". This current season, my baby is 20 and married to the most amazing young woman, my girls are 16 and 12...making their own mistakes and learning from each one, my caboose is 11 and growing into his own personality each and every day, and I.LOVE.IT. Seriously, I do.

So don't be scared to miss anything. Don't be scared that you're making too many mistakes. Don't be scared that you're missing crucial moments that you'll never get back. There are so many precious, inexpressible moments...plenty to fill your heart and your memory to last forever. When you're weary, when you're sad, when you're overwhelmed, don't be scared...go ahead and blink.