The pastor's family: transparency...frightening or inviting?

I’ve been married to a pastor for twenty-three years.  In our second year of marriage we attended a ministry conference and I participated in my first “pastor’s wife” breakout session.  It was explained to us in that session that being married to a pastor came with a huge responsibility.  I was told that our family now lived in a fish bowl and people would be watching everything that my husband, my children and I were doing, saying, and even places we were going.  I walked out of that class with wide eyes and scared to death.

The pretending game began.

There was no room for error.  We had to look and play the part…whatever exactly “the part” was…we had to pull it off with excellence.

After several years of painting on a false perfection, our oldest son Drew came home after church one Sunday crying.  When I asked him why he was crying he said, “I’m so sorry mommy…I’m so, SO sorry!!”  Why in the world are you sorry?  What did you do?  “Someone asked me a question about the Bible and I didn’t know the answer.  They said, ‘Drew, your daddy is the preacher…you should know the answer!’” 

He was devastated.  He was eight years old.  EIGHT.  

Thus began the freedom the Lord gave as He taught me how to not only rip off those masks, but to rip them to shreds…to the point they could never be used again. Therein also came the first of many apologies I would make to Steve, Drew and Abbi (Aubri and Kyle were babies) for blindly, and ignorantly placing unattainable expectations on our family.

Twelve years later and we’re still in ministry.  The masks have long been gone, yet some of the scars remain…most apparent on our children. Steve and I have willingly embraced our “fish bowl”, only we don’t look at it as a bad thing.  We have seen it as an opportunity to show that ministers/pastors, have the very same circumstances as everyone else…some are easy, some are tough.  They involve marriages, children, finances, health…all manner of things. Our desire is to walk through them not in denial, but facing reality with hope, not despair.

We’re walking through some of those tough circumstances right now.  One of our daughters is struggling with making right choices.  The lure of this world is strong.  It seems as though the enemy has come calling for our children (‘ours’ meaning everyone’s, not only the Chamblee’s) with much force.  Thankfully, our mighty Savior is greater than the evil that is in this world. (1Jonh 4:4)  We know that good, and not harm is ahead…even if it doesn’t look exactly the way we want it to look.  His ways are best.

It’s no cliché. It is Truth. 

We welcome you to look inside our fishbowl.  We hope that as you look and see our struggles, it will not be the struggle that catch your attention.  We hope and pray that it will be the peace and strength that we gain from our great God while in the midst of the struggle that impacts you the most!

So, my husband is a pastor, and in this pastor’s home the masks stay off.  Transparency runs deep, yet so do the struggles.  Does that transparency invite you closer, or scare you away?  We hope it draws you near…not only to our family, but to our one true God.  Now, “to the only God our Savior be glory, majesty, power and authority, through Jesus Christ our Lord, before all ages, now and forevermore! Amen.” 

No more excuses for God.

I'm guilty of it too. We see a negative comment or accusation against God, the gospel of Jesus Christ, or the Bible and we immediately become defensive. Most times it's because we genuinely love the Lord and can't bear to see anyone accuse Him of not being a loving God. 

We try and defend Him. "God is in control...God loves us all...all things will work together for good...". How theological of us.

Then come the excuses. "God gives us free will to make our own choices, so don't get mad at Him when people choose evil...He's not going to rescue us as long as we keep Him out of politics...". How insightful of us.

This world is broken. That's not a new thing. It's been broken for a very long time. People are hurting, lonely, angry, hungry. Broken. The last thing we need to do is spout out fancy one liners or long theological words when we hear statements like, "God is allowing so much pain and suffering, and He's not doing anything about it. If He were real, He would." 

Do we need to stand for Truth? Absolutely. Do we need to proclaim Jesus with our talk AND our walk. Most definitely. In fact, we better. 

However, there is a very real difference between standing for Truth, and turning aggressively toward someone for the sake of defending God. He's perfectly capable of defending Himself. He's called us to be His salt and light, not behave like His mama and write out excuses for His behavior. 

If our daily lives reflect Jesus, there's no reason for explosive reactions...those close to us already know His power in our own lives. As far as being a voice of change in bigger circles, such as state/federal governmental decisions, it starts local. We have no impact at large, until we impact at home. 

So many times throughout the years while talking with people about God I would only focus on His attributes that would make Him sound appealing...His love. His mercy. His grace. His forgiveness. I'm learning that we only dishonor Him when we do this. It's like we're setting someone up on a blind date with Him and we pick and choose what we tell about because we want them to be enticed. News flash...He doesn't need our holy attempt at match.com to find Him followers. 

Let's be honest with ourselves and with people. God is indeed merciful, loving, gracious and forgiving...and many, many other wonderful things. At the same time let's be careful not to avoid talking about His wrath as well. He's powerful. He's just. He's righteous. He's holy. He's jealous. He's almighty. 

In 1 Samuel when the ark of God had been captured by the Philistines, God did not need rescuing. Chapter five paints a beautiful picture of how God's power handled the situation. The Philistines took the ark and placed it in the house of their false god, Dagon...the vegetation god...and each morning when they awoke Dagon had fallen face down before the ark of the Lord. The second day not only was it face down, but it's head and both hands were laying cut off on the threshold. Scripture says, "the hand of the Lord was heavy against the people of Ashdod, and He terrified and afflicted them with tumors, both Ashdod and its territory." 

We don't share that story a whole lot, do we? It's intense! I encourage you to read the entire story...whether you're familiar with it, or never heard of it, it's powerful. 

Then there's audacious Peter and his fast reflex with a sword as the guards came to arrest Jesus. This account is in each of the four gospels, but my two favorites are in Luke and Matthew. In Luke's account in chapter 22, one of the disciples asks Jesus, "Lord, shall we strike with the sword?", and before He could answer, a sword is drawn and the ear of the high priest's servant is cut off. "No more of this!" was Jesus' response as He healed the ear. And in Matthew's account after Jesus instructs the sword to be put away, he asks, "Do you think that I cannot appeal to My Father, and He will at once send Me more than twelve legions of angels?"

God doesn't need our excuses of why He does what He does. He desires our obedience. We must stop publicly expressing our disapproval of those who do not believe in God, and simply cry out to our very real God, confessing our own sin. 

In fact, we should thank them. It's easy to believe what we say we believe when we surround ourselves with people who believe the same way. It's when we allow people into our lives, I mean have dear friendships with people who have different beliefs than we do, or none at all, that is the evidence of true faith. 

We know God moves when His people pray. We see it all throughout Scripture, and even throughout our own nation's history. Men and women confess their sin, turn from their own wickedness, and cry out to a holy God on behalf of a people. Over and over we see Him hear, have mercy, and relent. We also see Him at times unleash great wrath. We know He moves...let us stop trying to convince unbelievers of these things and ask God to show them! 

May we stop throwing out hashtags about prayer and hit our faces in humble desperation before a holy God. May we stop condemning those without Christ and cry out to Him on their behalf. May we believe what we say we believe even if no one else does. May we trust Him. May we walk in obedience to Him. No more defending Him when He allows devastation to take place. No more excuses for God. He is the one true God. He is almighty Lord. He needs no explanation.