The pastor's family: transparency...frightening or inviting?

I’ve been married to a pastor for twenty-three years.  In our second year of marriage we attended a ministry conference and I participated in my first “pastor’s wife” breakout session.  It was explained to us in that session that being married to a pastor came with a huge responsibility.  I was told that our family now lived in a fish bowl and people would be watching everything that my husband, my children and I were doing, saying, and even places we were going.  I walked out of that class with wide eyes and scared to death.

The pretending game began.

There was no room for error.  We had to look and play the part…whatever exactly “the part” was…we had to pull it off with excellence.

After several years of painting on a false perfection, our oldest son Drew came home after church one Sunday crying.  When I asked him why he was crying he said, “I’m so sorry mommy…I’m so, SO sorry!!”  Why in the world are you sorry?  What did you do?  “Someone asked me a question about the Bible and I didn’t know the answer.  They said, ‘Drew, your daddy is the preacher…you should know the answer!’” 

He was devastated.  He was eight years old.  EIGHT.  

Thus began the freedom the Lord gave as He taught me how to not only rip off those masks, but to rip them to shreds…to the point they could never be used again. Therein also came the first of many apologies I would make to Steve, Drew and Abbi (Aubri and Kyle were babies) for blindly, and ignorantly placing unattainable expectations on our family.

Twelve years later and we’re still in ministry.  The masks have long been gone, yet some of the scars remain…most apparent on our children. Steve and I have willingly embraced our “fish bowl”, only we don’t look at it as a bad thing.  We have seen it as an opportunity to show that ministers/pastors, have the very same circumstances as everyone else…some are easy, some are tough.  They involve marriages, children, finances, health…all manner of things. Our desire is to walk through them not in denial, but facing reality with hope, not despair.

We’re walking through some of those tough circumstances right now.  One of our daughters is struggling with making right choices.  The lure of this world is strong.  It seems as though the enemy has come calling for our children (‘ours’ meaning everyone’s, not only the Chamblee’s) with much force.  Thankfully, our mighty Savior is greater than the evil that is in this world. (1Jonh 4:4)  We know that good, and not harm is ahead…even if it doesn’t look exactly the way we want it to look.  His ways are best.

It’s no cliché. It is Truth. 

We welcome you to look inside our fishbowl.  We hope that as you look and see our struggles, it will not be the struggle that catch your attention.  We hope and pray that it will be the peace and strength that we gain from our great God while in the midst of the struggle that impacts you the most!

So, my husband is a pastor, and in this pastor’s home the masks stay off.  Transparency runs deep, yet so do the struggles.  Does that transparency invite you closer, or scare you away?  We hope it draws you near…not only to our family, but to our one true God.  Now, “to the only God our Savior be glory, majesty, power and authority, through Jesus Christ our Lord, before all ages, now and forevermore! Amen.” 

No more excuses for God.

I'm guilty of it too. We see a negative comment or accusation against God, the gospel of Jesus Christ, or the Bible and we immediately become defensive. Most times it's because we genuinely love the Lord and can't bear to see anyone accuse Him of not being a loving God. 

We try and defend Him. "God is in control...God loves us all...all things will work together for good...". How theological of us.

Then come the excuses. "God gives us free will to make our own choices, so don't get mad at Him when people choose evil...He's not going to rescue us as long as we keep Him out of politics...". How insightful of us.

This world is broken. That's not a new thing. It's been broken for a very long time. People are hurting, lonely, angry, hungry. Broken. The last thing we need to do is spout out fancy one liners or long theological words when we hear statements like, "God is allowing so much pain and suffering, and He's not doing anything about it. If He were real, He would." 

Do we need to stand for Truth? Absolutely. Do we need to proclaim Jesus with our talk AND our walk. Most definitely. In fact, we better. 

However, there is a very real difference between standing for Truth, and turning aggressively toward someone for the sake of defending God. He's perfectly capable of defending Himself. He's called us to be His salt and light, not behave like His mama and write out excuses for His behavior. 

If our daily lives reflect Jesus, there's no reason for explosive reactions...those close to us already know His power in our own lives. As far as being a voice of change in bigger circles, such as state/federal governmental decisions, it starts local. We have no impact at large, until we impact at home. 

So many times throughout the years while talking with people about God I would only focus on His attributes that would make Him sound appealing...His love. His mercy. His grace. His forgiveness. I'm learning that we only dishonor Him when we do this. It's like we're setting someone up on a blind date with Him and we pick and choose what we tell about because we want them to be enticed. News flash...He doesn't need our holy attempt at match.com to find Him followers. 

Let's be honest with ourselves and with people. God is indeed merciful, loving, gracious and forgiving...and many, many other wonderful things. At the same time let's be careful not to avoid talking about His wrath as well. He's powerful. He's just. He's righteous. He's holy. He's jealous. He's almighty. 

In 1 Samuel when the ark of God had been captured by the Philistines, God did not need rescuing. Chapter five paints a beautiful picture of how God's power handled the situation. The Philistines took the ark and placed it in the house of their false god, Dagon...the vegetation god...and each morning when they awoke Dagon had fallen face down before the ark of the Lord. The second day not only was it face down, but it's head and both hands were laying cut off on the threshold. Scripture says, "the hand of the Lord was heavy against the people of Ashdod, and He terrified and afflicted them with tumors, both Ashdod and its territory." 

We don't share that story a whole lot, do we? It's intense! I encourage you to read the entire story...whether you're familiar with it, or never heard of it, it's powerful. 

Then there's audacious Peter and his fast reflex with a sword as the guards came to arrest Jesus. This account is in each of the four gospels, but my two favorites are in Luke and Matthew. In Luke's account in chapter 22, one of the disciples asks Jesus, "Lord, shall we strike with the sword?", and before He could answer, a sword is drawn and the ear of the high priest's servant is cut off. "No more of this!" was Jesus' response as He healed the ear. And in Matthew's account after Jesus instructs the sword to be put away, he asks, "Do you think that I cannot appeal to My Father, and He will at once send Me more than twelve legions of angels?"

God doesn't need our excuses of why He does what He does. He desires our obedience. We must stop publicly expressing our disapproval of those who do not believe in God, and simply cry out to our very real God, confessing our own sin. 

In fact, we should thank them. It's easy to believe what we say we believe when we surround ourselves with people who believe the same way. It's when we allow people into our lives, I mean have dear friendships with people who have different beliefs than we do, or none at all, that is the evidence of true faith. 

We know God moves when His people pray. We see it all throughout Scripture, and even throughout our own nation's history. Men and women confess their sin, turn from their own wickedness, and cry out to a holy God on behalf of a people. Over and over we see Him hear, have mercy, and relent. We also see Him at times unleash great wrath. We know He moves...let us stop trying to convince unbelievers of these things and ask God to show them! 

May we stop throwing out hashtags about prayer and hit our faces in humble desperation before a holy God. May we stop condemning those without Christ and cry out to Him on their behalf. May we believe what we say we believe even if no one else does. May we trust Him. May we walk in obedience to Him. No more defending Him when He allows devastation to take place. No more excuses for God. He is the one true God. He is almighty Lord. He needs no explanation. 

Choosing joy…while you bury your baby and your talk becomes your walk…

Choosing joy…while you bury your baby and your talk becomes your walk…

Fifteen years have passed since we watched a beautiful, yet horridly ugly casket the size of a shoebox lower into the ground with the fully formed body of our baby girl.  She was not meant for this world, though for almost seven months we thought she was.  We had named her.  Aubri.  That’s right, the name that our now twelve year old answers to was originally to be given to her sister.

I couldn’t do it.  I could not write that name on the death certificate.  It truly wasn’t because I thought we might use it again.  Honestly, I believe it was because I was so attached to that name.  When I looked over at the sonogram screen and saw that little body curled up, motionless, I simply could not do it.  I suppose my initial intention was to give her a name that meant nothing to me.  Maybe…detaching myself from it all.  It didn’t work.  I was attached, and torn. 

One of the amazing physician assistants that sat by my side from the moment we knew she was gone had recently lost a baby the same way.  She was slap in the middle of the healing process and still chose to sit right beside me and hold my hand until Steve could arrive.  Her name?  Amber.  

One of the other precious souls that would not leave my side was our dear friend who had worked for my doctor for several years.  Her sweet hubby, Rob, was and still is one of Steve’s best friends on the planet, and they were (and still are;) so very dear to us!  She would not leave.  She stayed.  She prayed.  She cried.  She laughed.  She loved.  Her name?  Denise

Needless to say, when the nurse came to our room and asked if we had chosen a name, I knew the Lord had actually chosen for us.  Amber Denise Chamblee.  A name I was attached to for many different, and many similar reasons. 

After we decided on the name, our next big decision was whether or not we would hold her.  I didn’t want to.  Are you kidding me?  Hold my baby that is lifeless?  How morbid!  Wouldn’t that emotionally scar me for the rest of my life??  Who does that?  They even sent a hospital counselor in to me to try and encourage me to hold her.  I might regret not doing it she said.  I remember thinking in my 26 year old self righteous and prideful mind, “hmph…I don’t need this lady’s advice…I know what I’m doing…I’m a STROOONG woman!!”  Can you believe the arrogance??  It sickens me just thinking back on it.

Alas, I broke down.  Now it was literally the last minute before we were to leave the hospital.  I mean…bag packed, nurse escort called, Steve gone to pull the car around.  He and my mom had both already held her and both encouraged me to do the same.  Of course, in that same prideful brain of mine they were both lunatics too and didn’t know what the heck they were talking about.  Truth is, they did know what they were talking about.  And so did that counselor.  

They brought her to me all swaddled in a blanket.  She was so tiny.  Her body was fully formed and her skin was soft and pink, except for her face…it had already begun to turn dark and shrink up a tad bit because her fluid was completely gone.  I rocked her and cried.  What in the world had just happened?  Surreal.  I kissed her head, and handed her back to the nurse.  It was time to move forward.

A nurse rolled me out of the same doors I had rolled out of twice before, and straight ahead to my man who had been waiting for me both times beside the car with the door opennext to a buckled in car seat.  Only this time there was no baby in my arms.  No car seat needed.  He grabbed my hand, took time to pray and thank the Lord for His love and strength, and we drove away.  

It was in those moments, beginning with our doctor sitting at the foot of the sonogram table, telling me she was gone, and praying with me, to the moment we drove away, that I learned the meaning of true peace.  This was not circumstantial peace that we have when our lives look the way we want them to.  This is true peace…deep down, in the pit of your sick, sad, overwhelmed gut.  Peace.  It was then that God’s word came to life for me.  It was then that I learned that it is indeed, “alive and active”, Hebrews 4:12.  It was then that I watched Philippians 4:7 literally come to life.  We had, “the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding…”.  

Never was that verse more true.  This peace surpassed all of my human understanding.  There was no way we could explain it in human terms.  Still can’t.  Only through the lens of scripture can one know that type of peace.

There, among the ashes, we began to choose joy.  Not because it was easy, but because we’re called to, and there was no way we were going to say with our lips that we serve a mighty God who gives us an abundant life, yet walk around with a face and a life that says, “defeated”.  No way!  Our God is bigger than any tragedy that comes our way.  He doesn’t give us a “hope so” life. He IS our living hope.  That doesn’t mean we never cry.  That doesn’t mean we’re never mad.  That doesn’t mean our life is easy street.  It simply means our talk became our walk the day we buried our baby girl. 

Oh God, please don't...

How many of us have called out to God in times of utmost despair? "Oh God, please no! Please stop..." Or "please God, help me...", "don't make me...", "help us to...". It is the natural response of man to cry out and beg God to intervene in circumstances we aren't happy with.  

Yesterday morning was one of those times for me. Nothing earth shattering, or life threatening. Nothing that would alarm the average person. It was simply the reality of what happens when we step back long enough to view our circumstances from an outside, almost panoramic view. 

Life on earth is hard. Plain and simple. We have an idea in our head of what we want our life to look like. Most of us have had it planned out since we were young. When things begin to look the slightest bit different than what we want, then what we have 'planned', we typically begin to panic and quickly start working on a way to "fix" whatever is sabotaging our plan. 

After my fifteen minute sobbing session with the Lord, He began to remind me so tenderly, of the two most important things that I had allowed myself to forget. Things that would only take me a quick 60 seconds to remind anyone who might be sharing a personal struggle with me. I believe God divinely allows us to have these moments so that we are forced into a place of walking out the very things we say we believe. It always sounds good while we're encouraging others, but do we remember and live according to it, when we're the ones overwhelmed by life's frustrations and demands? 

Number one: God is sovereign. Not one thing touches our lives unless He allows it. HE is in full control...which means that I don't have to be. That is usually the hard part for us "fixers". We like to control things. Truth is, the only thing we can control is how we respond to things...our attitudes. Acknowledging, and bowing a knee to that truth is honestly so freeing. Why I allow myself to forget it so very often is beyond me. God's ways are best, even when I think otherwise. “One of you will say to me: “Then why does God still blame us? For who is able to resist his will?” But who are you, a human being, to talk back to God? “Shall what is formed say to the one who formed it, ‘Why did you make me like this?’ ” Romans‬ ‭9:19-20‬ ‭

Number two: Jesus is supreme above everything. When my focus turns to my own circumstances it is easy to become overwhelmed. Reminding myself to take my eyes off of me and turn them to Jesus changes everything! No longer do I feel helpless or defeated, but I'm so overtaken by His unfailing love, that it propels me into "choosing joy" in the midst of the difficult days. “The Son is the image of the invisible God...“And he is the head of the body, the church...so that in everything he might have the supremacy.” Colossians‬ ‭1:15&18‬, and “looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God.” Hebrews‬ ‭12:2‬ ‭

I'm most thankful for a Savior that relates to my "please God, don't make me..." moments. He felt anguish over His circumstances once too. And He teaches us with beautiful excellence how to handle those moments...“And he said to them, “My soul is very sorrowful, even to death. Remain here and watch.”...And he said, “Abba, Father, all things are possible for you. Remove this cup from me. Yet not what I will, but what you will...Returning to his disciples he said, "Rise, let us be going; see, my betrayer is at hand.” Mark‬ ‭14:34, 36, 42‬ ‭

Jesus, being very sorrowful, cried out to the Father and was asking, "Father, please no...yet not my will, but yours be done." The answer was not what he had asked for. It would be the Father's perfect will to send Jesus to the cross to die for us. To take our filthy sin, and give us His righteousness. He didn't throw a fit. He got up, walked to His disciples, knowing His betrayer was coming for Him, and said, "let us go". 

Can we see it? Will we choose to follow Him in His death, and be like Him in His life? Will we choose to "have the same attitude as that of Christ Jesus...who considered equality with God not something to be grasped, but emptied Himself, became nothing, and made Himself obedient to death." I read a beautiful commentary of that verse today: "becoming nothing" did not mean He began to think poorly of Himself, but that He did not think of Himself at all. He thought of His Father's plan, and us. That's it. 

There will be times we must certainly cry out, "oh God, please...". Yet, once He answers, no matter what His answer is, we "arise, and go...", moving forward compelled by His love, and the joy that is set before us. Our eyes fixed steady on Jesus. Jesus. Only Jesus.    

Every woman a mother, every person a child...

I have had the incredible privilege of walking through life with some amazing women.  Women from all walks of life, and in every season of life. 

I have rejoiced with women who were newly engaged, and felt the hurt with women when their promised ones walked away; cried tears of joy with women who were uniting their lives with the love of their life, and cried tears of despair with some of those same women who's loves have broken that bond. 

I have waited anxiously for the first sound of a newborn's cry, and felt the pain and loss of children not meant for this life.  Cheered during announcements of new conceptions, and wept with dear friends when their empty arms became a heavy burden.

I have shared in giving praise when friends would embark upon fostering young ones, and celebrated the blessings of adoption with many.  I've been witness to grandmothers and aunts all become "moms" by choice, and watched in heart warming amazement as friends would take in children who weren't blood related to them at all.  Not wanting one single thing in return.  Only to show love to those who needed it most.

So, on this Mother's Day, I am reminded that you do not have to have physically given birth to be a mom.  Oh, no...not at all!  Sweet woman, when you have wiped the tear of child who has skinned their knee, brushed back the hair of a young adult who is suffering a broken heart, or quieted the frightened cry of one who has lost all that is familiar to them...you, dear one, are the most loving "mother" of all.

We read about how Jesus so beautifully modeled this truth to us in John chapter 19, "When Jesus saw His mother there, and the disciple whom He loved standing nearby, He said to her, "Woman, here is your son,"
and to the disciple, "Here is your mother." From that time on, this disciple took her into his home...". 

As we take time to celebrate our own mothers, and allow our children to celebrate us, let's be quick to remember the importance of having our eyes wide open to seeing those who are consistently loving loud by giving their time, money and abilities to unconditionally pour into all of our lives.  And let us not only see them with our eyes, but let us honor them with our words and our time. Use spoken word to encourage and renew them, and take time to honor them...thanking them for their love! May we live each day awestruck to every woman a mother, and every person a child.

Worn out, to rise up...

We are just finishing up the book of Daniel in our ladies Bible study.  It has been heavy, lighthearted, troubling, comforting, down right scary, and full of joy all at the same time.  We have learned what it looks like to live a life resolved to honor the one true God.  We have looked at much prophecy that has already been fulfilled, and then much that is yet to come. Through the entire study our loving Father has been so faithful to show us ways that His truths are applicable to our lives even today!

I was so very hesitant when I first believed the Lord was leading me to teach through Daniel.  There are so many wonderful studies already out there by brilliant men and women of God, and in all honesty we probably would have learned so much more had we gone that route.  However, I truly believe the Lord led, so we followed.  He blessed our obedience!

He was faithful to give us a small nugget each week that would propel us into the next week.  By far, one of my favorites, and honestly my new verse for this current season of my life, is from chapter 8.  This chapter was full of some heavy prophecy...troubling to read now in our moment in time, much less being the one to receive the vision!  Afterward, Daniel was overcome, and according to verse 27 he was even appalled.  He was perplexed and did not understand, even though Gabriel had just taken the time to explain.  You're probably wondering why in the world a verse about Daniel being appalled would be my new favorite.  Here's where he and I connect...

The entire verse states, "And I, Daniel, was overcome and lay sick for some days. Then I rose and went about the king’s business, but I was appalled by the vision and did not understand it." (ESV).  I love how the NIV translates it, "I, Daniel, was worn out. I lay exhausted for several days. Then I got up and went about the king's business. I was appalled by the vision; it was beyond understanding."  Daniel was slap worn out...exhausted.  Overcome to the point where he had to walk over to his bed and lay down.  I wonder if I'm the only one that can crawl up in the middle of this verse and sit there a while?  I'm certain that I am not!

Here's the beauty in it though...Daniel indeed took a few days to lay exhausted, but he didn't stay there!  He didn't allow the overwhelming truth of his circumstances to take him out of where God had called him.  He took a moment, exhaled, and then got back up.  And not only did he get up, but he went about the king's business...even though he didn't understand what had just happened.

That is my prayer...my heart cry.  In the midst of my circumstances...busy, difficult, exhausting, and down right perplexing most days, I want to give myself permission to take a moment and breathe.  Just don't let me "live" there!  I desperately want to be a Daniel and rise up.  We have a king.  We are to rise up and be about His business.  His name is King Jesus, and expanding His kingdom here on earth by loving others, and leading them to Him is the business that we are to be about.  How have your circumstances left you exhausted, perplexed and appalled?  May we encourage each other to turn our downcast days, and place our focus on the One who rose up from the grave for us so very long ago.  May we be worn out, to rise up.

"Peace, peace" they say, when there is no peace...(a re-post from 2013)

We had a sweet, beautiful time in our ladies Bible study tonight.  The Lord has reminded me of the following post several times over the last few days, and tonight He has it burning in my soul to share...it is from December 2013.  Not much has changed...I continue to pray for earthly peace, all the while choosing to walk in His perfect peace in the midst of our not so perfect circumstances.  God's bigger.  Every time.

From the same heart, one year later...


I looked up the definition of 'peace'..."freedom from disturbance; quiet and tranquility".  I can barely type this out from laughing hysterically one moment and crying a very ugly cry the next.  Laughing because our home experiences 'freedom from disturbance' only if no one is home, and crying because I don't think we experience 'quiet and tranquility' even while sleeping...seriously.  I have commented many times lately that our home has no peace.  I continually ask for prayer any chance I have and I certainly have not grown weary of asking the Lord for it myself.  But I believe that I need to expound on what I mean.

There is a verse that appears in two separate chapters of Jeremiah that recently grabbed my attention in a whole new way.  You see, the Lord has been teaching me a powerful truth over the last several years and just when I think I'm getting close to fleshing it out in a way that would be pleasing to Him, He grabs my attention yet again.  What is this truth?  It is the beauty of living a transparent life...no pretenses, no duplicity, only authenticity!  For years I honestly believed that I was living a transparent life...only to have the Lord open my eyes to the lie I had been living and sadly, teaching my children to believe and live as well (that's a post all of it's own...and will come soon!)

So, back to this verse..."'Peace, peace' they say, when there is no peace...", Jeremiah 6:14 and 8:11.  In these chapters the Lord is preparing to unleash His wrath because of the wickedness that abounds among His people.  They ignored their circumstances and tried to cover it up by shouting, "peace, peace", when in actuality there was no peace at all!  So many of us are guilty of this very lie...I was for so long and I don't want to be ever again!  There are people all around us that have yet to make their eternity secure in Jesus and they are in turmoil and chaos...lacking any sign of hope or peace.  They look at those of us that call ourselves Christians, as we walk around with our plastic masks on trying our best to disguise our chaos, shouting, "peace, peace", all the while our bank accounts are overdrawn, our children are misbehaving, our marriages are struggling and we're fighting all manner of physical, mental and emotional sickness...no peace at all.  No earthly peace, that is...here's the perspective that we're missing...

Jesus said in John 14:27, "Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you.  I do not give to you as the world gives.  Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid."  One of the wonderful blessings of having a personal relationship with Jesus is the peace that passes all human understanding that only He can give (Philippians 4)!  Do we have troubles? Yes!  Do we have struggles? Yes! Do we have difficulties? Absolutely!  However, we also have the powerful promise of Jesus Himself...this part is my absolute favorite!!  Just two chapters over, in John 16:33, He gets real with us, I can hardly bare it..."I have told you these things so that in me you may have peace.  In this world you will have trouble.  But take heart!  I have overcome the world." Wow!! Such joy and yes, peace, in that one powerful verse!  He is so honest...there is no pretense about Him...He tells us exactly what to expect. In this world we WILL have trouble, but IN HIM we have peace...real peace...not fake, not plastic!

So, if you peep inside the windows of the Chamblee home...and you're very welcome to do so, but you better bring your Windex if you expect to actually SEE inside...you will not see earthly peace...yet, but I refuse to stop asking;)  You will see some siblings argue, you will see one of our sweet blessings struggle with sensory sensitivity disorder which causes a little turmoil and heartache most days, you will see toys, laundry and half empty bottles of soda lying around, you will see me...the mommy...send some very loud kiddos to their rooms and you will see our friends and others from the community stop by for some encouragement in the midst of it all.

But here is what you will NOT see...you will not see or hear us shouting, "Peace, peace" when there is no peace.  You will see and hear us shouting, "We're having a hard day and chaos abounds, but we have peace like a river because our mighty Savior has overcome the world and filled us with His Spirit!"  and all the while I will continue to daily ask the Lord for that earthly peace to be present in our home, knowing, believing and accepting that if it is His will He will grant it, if not...His grace is sufficient!  As followers of Jesus, we do not need to pretend that our circumstances are perfect and peaceful...we need to proclaim that our God is perfect and peaceful in the midst of our circumstances.       

50 shades of Grey...and one shade of crimson

I have been compelled for a couple of weeks to talk about the upcoming movie, "50 Shades of Grey", but to be completely honest it is much easier to sit back and allow others to do the speaking out.  Every time I would feel a strong urge to share my heart on the subject I would see an article or a blog post from someone who professed to be writing from a "Christian" perspective, and so I would exhale and tell myself that there is no reason for me to waste people's time reading similar thoughts from me...then I would read the article and within the first few sentences be so very sad because once again it would be comprised of mostly aggressive and hateful accusations toward people who have read the book or are planning on watching the movie.  So...this morning I spent some time asking the Lord for His clear direction, which He will always give if we are willing to simply see it. 

Here was my request of the Lord...I had tried several times over the last few months to log onto my blog site and was denied access each time because it had been so long since I had posted anything.  I worked outside of the home all of 2014 (which I loved and miss greatly), but I came back home at the end of November to home school our Aubri girl because of a neurological issue she is walking through...but that's for another blog post;), which would also give me more time to write.  However, the blog site had decided that I had waited much longer than I should have, so they revoked access.  This morning, I opened my computer and took a few minutes to talk with the Lord before I tried to log on again.  I asked, "Lord, IF you want me to share what you have placed in my heart then please allow me access to the blog once again.  IF not...thank you!!".  I'm just being honest here.  So, obviously He did whatever it is that He does and He swung the door wide open.  Now, here is my heart...

I am blessed beyond measure to be able to spend so much of my time around women.  Some profess to have a personal relationship with Jesus, others do not.  I can't even begin to express the love that I have for ALL of them...I would not trade the relationships that I have for anything this world has to offer.  I write to all of you, separately, but from the same beating heart and propelled from the overflowing love that I know Jesus has for all of us.

To my friends that do not have, nor necessarily yet want, a relationship with this Jesus that I speak so much about...I have tears streaming down my face as I type this...I love you SO, SO much!  You are all joys to me beyond what I could ever express.  I would love nothing more than to write your names out one by one so that you know exactly whom I'm talking to...I hope that you do know even though I'm not going to write your names;)  I understand that you can think of no good reason to not go to the movies this weekend, perhaps even with your husbands or your boyfriends, to see this movie.  You see no harm in it because it is merely fiction and in all honesty it may put a little "fire" back into your sex life.  You long for closer intimacy with your man and our society tells us that things like this book, or movie will give us just that.  What they don't tell us is that if it actually does enhance our love life, it is only for a time.  It too will soon become routine and common place and we will seek more, and more, and more ideas or "fuel" to ignite a more intense fire within our relationships.  Or, maybe you don't want that connection with your man because you're thinking "he had his chance", or "I'm too tired from working and taking care of the kids", so you just want to live vicariously through the characters in the story.  (that portion is for my Christian friends also...these are real thoughts that real women have...Christian or not)

No matter which scenario you find yourself in, I ask you to truly think about making the choice to not put those images in your mind.  I promise you with my whole heart that if you do decide to go see this movie I will NOT judge you, I will NOT condemn you, I will NOT throw a stone at you, I will NOT stop being your friend, I will NOT say one single hateful word about you...I WILL continue to love you, I WILL continue to maintain a close friendship with you and I WILL continue to beg God to grab your heart so that you can know that you were created for so much more...to "know the love of Christ that surpasses any human knowledge..." (Ephesians 3:19...that's a portion of the Bible...talk about a love story;).  I just need you to know, if I haven't already told you...and if I haven't I'm SO sorry because I should have...that there is a God who loves you SO much that He didn't send a man to tie you up to a bed post and spank you with a belt in order to stimulate you to "feel love", He sent His one and only Son to be beaten with a belt of nine straps of leather, with bone fragments woven within, and He was not tied to a post, but nailed to a tree, breathed His last earthly breath and rose again so that you can "KNOW love"...the kind of love that we will never experience from any earthly person or thing.  I love you...you know that I do...and I am not confident in many things, but I am fully confident in this truth...and I am praying for YOU!!

Now, to my friends who profess to have a personal relationship with the risen Jesus...I have tears of a different kind for you.  I hope with my whole being that you know how much I love you...how much I pray for you to "be filled to all the measure of the fullness of God"...same chapter in Ephesians.  My heart breaks in two at the amount of women who profess Christ with their lips, and then choose to expose themselves to this type of book or movie.  The popular statement for Christians these days (and my husband and I say it all the time and believe it to be true) is "it's not about religion, but about a relationship with Jesus Christ".  Never have truer words been spoken.  BUT...because of the undeserving relationship we are allowed to have with Jesus, because of His sacrifice, not because of any 'good behavior' we might could throw His way, it should...should...SHOULD compel us to "live a life worthy of the calling we have received". Ephesians 4:1 (that must be one of my favorite books in scripture, huh?)  Not to earn anything from our God, or to be "burdened by a yoke of slavery", but to live a life that is set apart for Him..."be holy because He is holy."

One last appeal...if you have convinced yourself that the Lord truly does not mind if you see this type of movie, and that His reputation as Lord will not be tainted in the eyes of those who do not know Him and are around when you are professing Him and then engaging in this type of entertainment, I want to pose two questions for you to ponder and pray through...1) If your husband or boyfriend (whether you have one now or not, you probably will in the future) were to decide they were going to see a full out triple xxx movie and wanted you to go with, or he just wanted to go with the guys, how would that make you feel?  Would you not constantly have images of other women that look "so perfect" seared in your thoughts, or be constantly thinking that your man has those images seared in his thoughts and that he would rather be with that type of woman while being intimate with you?  There is a reason that scripture tells us in Psalm 101:3 that "I will set before my eyes no vile thing"...we must, we MUST hold tight to this truth and choose what is holy over what is vile. 2) Where is the change?  Where is the "old is gone and the new has come" that we are told we have in 2 Corinthians 5:17, once we have placed our trust in Christ? It doesn't take long to see how much the one true God detests the evil behaviors from those who profess to be His.  We see it in Exodus 32...Isaiah 1...all through Paul's letters in the New Testament.  What are we doing??? Why are we embracing the vile things of this world and then justifying them by saying, "God wants us to come just as we are...He does not condemn...".  SO, SO, SO true...He takes us just as we are...we do not, can not, 'clean up' before we surrender our lives to Him and know His eternal life, BUT...once we surrender, we are NEW...HE cleans us up...He gives us a new nature...new desires.  We are told to "kill the flesh and it's desires that war against the new nature".  How do you kill a bacteria or weed that has grown up to choke something beautiful...you choke the life out of it...you kill it.  How are we killing our flesh and feeding our new nature that God has given us by watching such sad, vile things.  We can't.  We only feed it.  We make it stronger.

There is zero judgement coming from me...I have too many planks in my own eye to try and judge anyone for a spec of sawdust in their eye...however, this is a call to walk what we talk.  We must stop casting stones at the 'world' for various sins all while choosing which sin we deem bearable in the eyes of God.  If you know Jesus as your personal savior and you are enticed by this movie, I beg you...please take the time to ask God what HIS thoughts are...dive into His word, His letter to you.  Don't deceive yourself into thinking it's no big deal because it's only fiction.  It is a big deal.  The very same words that I wrote to my non-Christian friends apply to us...every single one of them...the reasons why women would want to see this movie are all basically the same...to try and meet an unmet longing.  The only One who can truly meet that longing is the One who shed His blood for you...for me...for the women who are searching.  A man named Christian Grey (or men in this world that are like him) can't meet our need for love, no matter how many shades he has.  Only One can...and His shade is crimson.

"And God demonstrates His love toward us in this: while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us." 
Romans 5:8

"For the grace of God has appeared that offers salvation to all people, teaching us to say NO to ungodliness and worldly passions, and to live self-controlled, upright and godly lives in this present age, while we wait for the blessed hope--the appearing of the glory of our great God and Savior, Jesus Christ, who gave himself for us to redeem us from all wickedness and to purify for himself a people that are his very own, eager to do what is good." Titus 2: 11-14