I chose it today. Misery, that is. There it was right before me...the choice between joy, peace, harmony or anger, rage...pure misery. I reached out and grabbed hold of every bit of anger, rage, bitterness, hostility...just plain evil...that I could get my hands around. Actually, it was my mouth that was reaching, not my hands. I'm still suffering from the headache that followed my fit of rage.
The most disheartening truth about the whole situation is that just last night I was standing in front of the women in our Tuesday night Bible study, proclaiming with absolute confidence and excitement, that we must, "walk by the Spirit so that we will not gratify the desires of the sinful nature", Galatians 5:16, (we're studying "Living Beyond Yourself", by Beth Moore...how surreal). Passionately I read Scripture of Jesus crying out, "Abba, Father...not my will, but yours be done...", Mark 14:36, and almost with the same breath I was not only living by my own fleshly will, but I was spitting on the very idea of crucifying myself and choosing to "have the same attitude as that of Christ Jesus", Philippians 2:5. I think it's time for me to begin fleshing out the very thing that I so frequently dish out to others!
So, here's the good news...our God is so faithful to forgive! But, how could I ask for forgiveness after willfully, intentionally, choosing such sin? Here's how..."while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us." Romans 5:8. Thankfully, He knows our sinful condition and He gave His sinless life so that we could walk in His righteousness. 1 John 1:9 tells us that, "if we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and cleanse us of all unrighteousness". I did just that...cried out the entire chapter of Psalm 51 to Him, so sorrowful and begging His forgiveness. As I took several minutes to think about all that had happened, I began to be overcome with guilt. Even then, He so kindly reminded me what Psalm 32:5 says, "Then I acknowledged my sin to you...and you forgave the guilt of my
sin.". He not only forgives us, He forgives our guilt! Glory...what a Savior!!
Be encouraged...we all choose moments of flesh over Spirit. We find ourselves in a situation that is uncomfortable, frustrating or forced to deal with something we disagree with, that may anger us and we are enticed by the lure of possibility. The possibility that if we express how we 'feel', or if we make our thoughts known, if only we could right what has been wronged, then we will 'feel' better. We are therefore so very deceived by our own flesh as Scripture tells us in Isaiah 44:20, "The poor, deluded fool feeds on ashes. He trusts something that can't help him
at all. Yet he cannot bring himself to ask, "Is this thing that I'm holding in my right
hand not a lie?". And we're even warned to take head, lest we end up deceived like Eve..."But I am afraid that as the serpent deceived Eve by his cunning, your thoughts
will be led astray from a sincere and pure devotion to Christ.". Bam! and so was I! BUT (I'm SO thankful for that three letter word!)..."greater is He that is in us, than he that is in the world." 1 John 4:4. So therefore, I say OUT LOUD to Satan and my flesh at the same time, "Do not gloat over me, my enemy! Though I have fallen, I will rise. Though I sit
in darkness, the LORD will be my light." Micah 7:8. We're forgiven, we're full of His Spirit and the same power that raised Jesus from the dead...let's choose to walk in the joy of that salvation today!
